Baptized by Fire
by Little Valo
Summary: One girl's story about what life is really like with a father in world of the mob. Written in the first person, slightly AU. Take a read, I belive it's diffrent from any other Soprano's ff's out there. R
1. Chapter 1

Baptized by Fire

(The story of Lizzy Moltisanti)

A/N: I don't own any of the characters from the Sopranos, I own Lizzy and her little friends and that's it. Lizzy starts writing this at the start of her Senior year so that would be right before season 6 part 2 starts. Enjoy.

Chapter One: Why

This whole thing started as a class project.

Here's the assignment:

Write a story about your family, introduce us to the different characters shape the person you are today.

It was a simple enough assignment for most of my other classmates, with their normal families. I don't have a normal family. If I told the class a story about my life they would think I was lying. The things that happen in my family are supposed to kept with in the family. They are not for high school students amusements. Well, what was I supposed to do because is my dad found my assignment he would freak and tell me that "You're not even supposed to know have the things you know about our would Lizzy, you write the truth and you put our lives in jeopardy." I can just hear him now.

So what did I do, like so many times in my life I lied. I wrote a nice little story about my dad and his fiancé Adriana taking me to New York to go shopping. A simple enough story and would this ever happen… I don't know but did it no. It was my first great work of fiction and when this happened I was a freshman.

But you may ask why am I writing this now, three years later in my spare time between dealing with my new stepmom and baby sister and trying to finish AP Chem homework. Well I think it's a necessary thing, I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of pretending to be a normal person… because I'm not.

So let me tell you about me now, the real me.

My name is Elizabeth Jane Moltisanti, I was born in New Jersey and have lived here all my life. I'm going to turn 18 in June and I like rock music. Jim Morrison is my god, his posters are all over my walls and I know most every Doors song by heart. My hobbies include music, shopping, writing, and generally getting into trouble. I'm 5'2" and a little on the chubby side oh… my dad is in the mob. I almost over looked that little point.

Now that the cat's out of the bag I can tell you about my daddy. His name is Christopher, obviously we share the same last name, as of this moment he is a Capo in my Uncle Tony's family. I love my dad, though thick and thin I think like an good kid should do you know. I figured out my dad's involvement with the mob at a pretty young age.

My mom is another story, her name was Nichole and she died when I was 10. Heroin overdose… that's when I went to live with my dad and it wasn't long after that I figured out his involvement with the mob.

We were eating dinner at McDonalds because Ade went to work and my dad was in a bad mood so he asked me where I wanted to go… so I picked McDonalds… like any normal 10 year old would I guess. The confrontation went something along these lines.

So my dad and I were sitting at a corner table, I was swinging my feet back and forth and I accidently kicked my dad in the shin. "Lizzy stop that…" he said harshly. I just shrugged my shoulders and went back to eating my chicken nuggets. I was looking forward to this little time together as my dad had been gone a lot lately and I hadn't really had much time with him alone since I moved in with him and Ade after mom died.

"Daddy…" I said softly leaning on the table. "Can I ask you a question?"

He sighed and looked over at me, "If you get your elbows off the table, didn't your mother teach you anything?" I looked down at my food for a second and then began to cry. At that point I felt stupid because my mom really didn't teach me how to behave in a family like the one I was in now, manners, table etiquette and what not. I felt stupid all the time, I didn't know what was right and wrong. "Lizzy come on…" he got up from his chair and came to sit next to me. He put his arm around me and gave me a kiss on the top of the head.

By this point the other people in the restaurant were staring because I was making a little bit of a seen. My dad at that point really wasn't very good at getting me to calm down. I've always had a "flare for the dramatic" is how my Auntie Carm always said, I was diagnosed Bi-Polar several years later after I…never mind that comes up later back to me and dad in McDonalds. So I was there cry my little heart out because I felt stupid and like this big embracement to my dad who I idolized. He was try to get me to calm down while all these other people were staring at us.

"Come on, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings sweetie, you just got to learn some stuff before we go to dinner with Uncle Tony, Auntie Carmela and the kids next week ok. You wanted to ask me something. I'm an open book princess." I glanced over at my dad through my tear filled eyes and swallowed.

"Are you like the guys in Goodfellas?" I said in my sweet little ten year old voice. My dad looked at me funny, like that was the last question he thought I would ever ask.

"How do you even know what Goodfellas is, that's not really a movie ten year olds should be watching…" I shrugged and took another bite of my food then looked back over at him. "Where did you see it Lizzy."

"HBO," I said weakly. "But you didn't answer my question daddy! You said you would!" I was very demanding at this age too. Thinking back now I wouldn't have expected him to answer truthfully, but he did.

"Kinda ok… just leave it at that ok finish your food it's getting late and you have school tomorrow. And no more HBO unless it's age appropriate. No Sex in the City or R rated movies…" I nodded and finished my food and we left and kept my dad's little secret (and many that fallowed) to this day.


	2. Chapter 2

Baptized by Fire

(the story of Lizzy Moltisanti)

So I'll be sailing on  
Out into Bermuda blue  
Compass needle breaks  
Like the heart I gave to you  
I've been laying down in the devils lair  
Sailing into the sun I'll be baptized there

-Spinnerette

Chapter Two: You're breaking my heart daddy…

The next story I'm going to tell is when I was thirteen and completely indoctrinated into the world that is the Soprano family. I really didn't have friends at this point in my life, I stuck to my room where I spend hours crying because I felt so alone. Adriana tried so much to make me feel better but it wasn't helping any by this point.

I would often clutch on to her arm as I balled my little brown eyes out. In the near three years I had lived with her and my father Adriana became my pseudo mom, better than my actual mother to tell the truth. She once told me that I was the daughter that she dreamed of having with my father. I even shared my first name with her mother. She would often call me her daughter when introducing me to people. I miss her…

But the one night that sticks out during my tumultuous thirteenth year is when my dad missed my very first play in which I had one of the biggest roles. I was crushed, no crushed isn't a big enough word to describe my state when I came home that night to find my father strung out on the couch. By this point in my life his heroin use was getting out of hand… it scared me because he started to act like my mom right before she died. The previous year he had been shot and nearly died which sent me into a near constant fear that I would end up parentless.

Adriana had taken the night off from the club to come see me and had promised me that my dad would show, when he didn't I went into a complete melt down back stage. My teacher went out to get Adriana to calm me down during intermission so I could finish the last part of the play. "He must have got caught up at work baby.." She said softly as she held me in her arms, I knew she was lying but I hopped she was right. "Maybe he'll show up for the last half, he knows how much this means to you Lizzy." She wiped my black tears (from the mascara I was wearing) off my cheek and gave me a kiss. "You want me to fix your make up so you look pretty for when your dad comes." I nodded and she took my hand to take me to one of the desks to fix my ravaged make up.

I finished the second act and he still didn't show. I did my bow and all that jazz but as soon as the curtains closed I ran off stage crying and screaming. "My daddy doesn't love me…" Everyone else that was in my family was there. My grandmother Joanne and even my Uncle Tony and Autie Carm with AJ, but my dad never showed. We were supposed to meet our parents out in the hallway next to the stage. I changed my clothes and walked out with my head down still crying.

Everyone was clapping and came over to me with flowers. "There's our little star!" My Uncle Tony said brightly as I came out the door. When I saw that he was there and my dad I ran back through the door and threw my backpack down on the ground. I could here him out in the hall. "Goddamn Christopher!" He yelled and soon after Adriana and Carmella came into get me.

I was sitting in a corner of the almost vacant class crying with my knees pulled to my chest. "There will be other plays sweet heart." My aunt said softly leaning down to try and look me in my eyes. I shook my head.

"That's not the point he promised me!" I screamed standing up and storming out the class bypassing my family who was right by the door and stomped out to the car. I believe Adriana must have apologized for my behavior and gotten the flowers and some money from my uncle and met me out at the car. I was upset and pissed all at the same time. I stood at the car still crying with my arms crossed in front of my chest. It was ever since that night that my family started saying I had "A flair for the dramatic" or that I was "A little emotionally unstable." I guess for good reasons.

I got into the car and rode home with out saying a word. Adriana kept telling me that there must have been a good reason for my dad to miss my play. I wanted to believe her but my heart wouldn't let me, to me this action showed me just how little I actually meant to my father at this point. I think that if Tony and Carm hadn't shown up I wouldn't be so angry but the fact they showed up and my father didn't I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Like I said before, we came home to find my dad strung out on the couch watching tv. I had carried the flowers in and went over and threw them at him. I screamed "I hate you!" at the top of my lungs. That seemed to get his attention.

Till that point I had never shown any kind aggression towards my father, we had never gotten into a fight. So even though he was high I think my actions took him a back. Then he realized what he had done. "Your play…" He said softly and stood up and started to move over towards me. "Baby I'm sorry… I'm so sorry." He tried to hug me but I started thrashing around and pounding his chest.

"You don't care… you're just like mom you care more about that.." He knew what I was referencing with out me having to say it out right. When I came to live with him he promised me that nothing would be more important than me. In that moment he realized that he had done some possibly irreparable damage to me by choosing to get high over coming and seeing my play. Years later when he got clean he told me that he regretted that decision every day since and he never missed my plays again.

He started to apologize profusely for his actions lying to say, "I got caught up with work baby… I promise I'll make it up to you baby. Princess please forgive me." He tried to give me a kiss on the cheek but I shoved him away and ran over to Adriana and wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"You're breaking my heart daddy…Uncle Tony cared enough to be there. Uncle Paulie was there too… and you were here getting high! Don't lie to me I'm not a little kid any more, I know what your doing! It's gonna kill you like it killed mom! You can never make this up… never. I hope you die!" I screamed and ran into my room and slammed the door.

That was the first night I cut, while my dad stood at the door begging me to come out and talk to him. "Lizzy please come out, I'm sorry I'll do anything to prove it you! You want to go see Rent in the city we'll go. I'll get you a kitten like you want… anything Lizzy please just come out and talk to me." He begged at the door as I searched my backpack to find something to hurt myself with.

Then I saw a glass sitting on my dresser and took it in my hand. Throwing it down on the grown it shattered and I picked up one of the pieces and shoved it against my pale skin. I didn't cry I just saw the blood drip down to my finger tips then falling onto the pale carpet. I didn't know why but it comforted me so I did it again… and again. Five times I cut my arm… watching flow away along with my pain.

After about twenty minutes I heard the front door slam after my dad and Adriana got into fight about him not showing up. She knocked on my door then opened it to find me sitting on the end of my bed, arm covered with blood and a jagged piece of glass in my other hand. She had been crying and walked over to me in silence.

"I don't want to live like this…" I mumbled softly, contemplating suicide. "He doesn't love me…"

"Don't say that…" She said softly taking the glass out of my hand and setting it on the bed. She never asked why, she just looked at the cuts and blood and gave me a kiss. She went out of the room for a few minutes gathering some things to clean me up. "Hurting yourself helps in the moment… but you have to live with these for the rest of your life…" She said softly wiping my arm with a warm washcloth and then wrapped my arm in some kind of dressing and went out to get something.

She came back with a glass of water and a bottle of pills. "Take these." She said taking two white pills out of the bottle. "They'll calm you down and make you sleep… take them." I would later find out they were Xanax and this would start my prescription drug use but I was relived for the relief from the pain I was feeling, both physical and emotional.

Before I passed out I heard Adriana on the phone with my father. "Christopher she's cutting herself.. do you not think maybe you should come home and deal with her. She is really upset and she keeps saying that she doesn't want to live any more." There was a pause. "I gave her two Xanax she's asleep but when she wakes up tomorrow I think we should take her to the doctor. This could be a cry for help…"

At this point I passed out, fully clothed in my bed. My dad came home at some point in the middle of the night and stormed into my room. Grabbing me by the scruff of my shit he started to shake me to get me to wake up. I was still semi high from the Xanax, no high isn't the word for it… I was numb. My vision kinds blurred around the edges, but I could clearly see his face.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" He said before smacking me across my face. "You want to hurt… I'll fucking hurt you." He was screaming and this had woken up Adriana who came rushing in her night gown.

"Chrissy stop it!" She said trying to pull him off of me. He shoved her backwards hard enough that she crashed into my dresser knocking over the picture of me and my dad that sat atop of it. Looking back I noticed the symbolism in this moment. I was no longer a child who was unaffected by the life my father led. I had been baptized into this life like one would be baptized in whatever their chosen religion. But my baptism was by fire.

My face burned in the spot where my father had hit me. I said nothing. I just took it like I would take it again and again in the coming year.

This was the first time I saw my father the mobster in his drug and booze fueled rage. "What the fuck did you want to prove by carving up your arm like this? Huh.." He paused for a moment but I didn't answer him. I don't know if I was scared because at this point I was too high to feel anything. "Answer me Elizabeth!" He hit me again. "When I ask you a question you fucking answer me!"

"Fuck you.." Was all that escaped my lips. With that my father dragged me off my bed my hair and tossed me onto the ground.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" he said perched above me. "I've fucking killed men for less.." By this point Adriana was up and trying to pull my dad off of me. If I could feel anything I would have been scared for my life, but instead I just laid there looking up at him. My eyes met his.

"Do it… I want to die." I said softly, my voice was empty… vacant of any emotion. I looked away and stared at the wall blankly. "DO IT!" I screamed and then I turned to look at my father. He was staring down at me with a stair of disbelief. I wasn't his little girl anymore… at that moment he realized it.

He let go of me and dropped to the ground then leaned up against my bed with his head in his hands. "What happened? Where's my little girl?" He looked over at Adriana and I could see he had tears in his eyes. I sat up and turned to give my dad a hug. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and held me against his chest as he cried. "What happened Lizzy..." He said softly as Adriana sat down next to us and put her arms around the both of us.

"We'll be ok…" She said through tears as well. I started crying but I didn't know why and grabbed on to my dad's shirt.

"I'm sorry daddy…" I cried against his chest and he kissed the top of my head. "I won't do it again…"

That night I feel asleep on the living room floor, my dad and Adriana we asleep on the couch. We at some point went out into the living room where I watched as my father and Adriana got high and I ate some more Xanax then passed out. This was the start of a very different life for me, one that was fueled by drugs but produced some of the best and worst memories I have.

Running out of the apartment at 3 in the morning to go play in the rain, the massive fights that would ensue when we ran out of our respective fixes, my dad getting clean and my introduction to Jim Morrison and the Doors. The next 2 years became the greatest roller costar of my life. That ended with one night in the woods of south Jersey and the world of sadness and despair that fallowed.


	3. Chapter 3

Baptized by Fire

(the story of Lizzy Moltisanti)

Chapter three: Death

Most of my friends see graduating High School as the gateway in to adulthood, other friends think that it's when you have sex for the first time. But when I became an adult I was fifteen and it was far different from my friend's ideas. It was when I said goodbye to Adriana for the last time, when I lost my second mother to the world my father had drug me into.

I don't blame my father for what happened to Adriana, I don't think knowing all that I know now that I could. I in my own little way am apart of the world that took her from us. I know too much about that world to ever live a normal life. AJ, Meadow, and my other cousins don't know a fraction of what I do. It wasn't by choice I learned the things I do, really it wasn't. I learned them to survive in this life.

At the time Adriana was taken away from us, she had turned. You may ask what that means precisely, well she became a rat. She told dad and I that she did it so we could get out. Move somewhere nice and start a new life as a family. My uncles saw it differently. I don't know all the seedy little details, but I do know this.

The day started like any other for me, I got out of bed and took some pills to numb my emotional pain, or at least that's what I told myself. My dad had been clean for a while now and thought I was too. So I hid it, I was hiding a lot of the things at this point in my life. Least of all the secret that Adriana was a rat. She had told my father the night before and I wasn't there when it happened, I was over at a friend's house watching a movie but when I came home I knew something was different.

My dad was gone by the time I got up, he went to see my uncle Tony. I got dressed and ate some breakfast, I was suspended from school for getting into a fight so I didn't really have any place to go. I went for a walk, I didn't need to clear my head or anything like that, I just needed to get out of the house. Something in my gut told me I needed to leave. I went to a skate park, got high with a few of my stoner friends then made my way back home. My dad caught me before I got even a block away from our apartment.

A car pulled up along side of me and my dad poked his head out the window. "Lizzy, get in the car." It wasn't a request it was a demand. I did as I was told and climbed in the backseat. My uncle Tony was driving. I was nervous, my stomach lurched itself into a tight knot as soon as I saw his face in the rear view mirror.

"Hey kid," He said, I just nodded and he pulled away from the curb. I didn't have the faintest idea of where I was going but I didn't ask either. "We have to have a little conversation, you, me and your dad." I nodded again. "How much do you know about this situation with Adriana?"

"What situation…" I said softly playing dumb, I thought it was a good way not to get my ass killed. But Tony saw through it.

"You know what I'm talking about, your dad says you're the eyes and ears of that house. So don't play stupid." I took a deep breath and leaned back into the backseat. I immediately looked over at my father, he had sunglasses on but I knew he was scared.

"I know a little…" I changed my answer then leaned up a little. "Can I get a cigarette dad…" I asked softly and my father handed me back his pack of Malbro lights. I took one then pulled my lighter out of my pocket and lit up.

"Now she smoking too… you must be so proud." Tony said shooting a glance over at my dad. He constantly criticized my father for the way he raised me, but I didn't care. "Tell me what you know."

"She's been talking to some people, I don't know what has been said but I know it something that I'm not supposed to tell anyone." I made that last part very clear. The last thing I needed at the moment was for Tony to think I was in on all this shit. I may be a class A fuck up but I'm no rat. I think he knew that, my dad knew that. "I can't say how long it's been going on though, maybe a six months… your guess is as good as mine to tell the truth."

We stopped at a light and Tony glanced back at me. "You know about things… things that if you were my kid you would never have fucking known about. So that makes you a target for these people, you keeping your nose clean like your dad says." I knew what he meant, he basically asked if I was clean and staying out of trouble. Not doing anything to bring any attention upon myself.

"Yeah, I'm being good… that shits behind me. I wanna get into Sarah Laurence, they won't accept me if I'm into that shit. I got goals in life alright… I aint staying in Jersey for the rest of my life." If I only believed those words myself. What my dad and Tony didn't know was that fight I got into at school was over money this kid owed me for some pills I sold him. If my dad knew that, and worse if Tony knew that I would have a world of hurt coming down upon me.

Tony seemed to believe that answer though he did make a crack about me wanting to go to Sarah Laurence, "What she a Lesbian now too?" He asked my dad.

"It's a good school and she wants to be a writer… her guidance counselor said it would be a good fit for her." My dad added half heartedly, I think my dad was wondering about my sexual preference, no boyfriend and I was on the softball team. I could see where he might get the idea.

"No, I am not a lesbian." I commented from the backseat. "You happened to catch me coming back from meeting this guy I like alright." Again with the lies, I'm not a lesbian… maybe a little bi curios but not a full on lesbian. My answer again seemed to appease the two of them for the moment.

We rode on for a little while, more questions were asked and I answered them to the best of my abilities with out letting on everything I actually knew. We ended up back at the apartment and my dad looked back at me.

He handed me fifty dollars, "Go inside, get some shit together… go stay at one of your friends houses for the night. Don't come home till I call you and say you can alright." I nodded. "No Lizzy, you have to do this. No questions… don't fucking stay at the house for more than an hour. One fucking hour you here me." I nodded again.

"Do what your father told you, now get kid." I got out of the car money in hand and then went back upstairs.

I tried to get a hold a few friends to see if I could spend the night but they all said no. Most of my friends' parents didn't like me, I think most of them suspected I was a mobsters' kid and didn't want me hanging around much. So when that didn't pan out I went down to the corner store, bought a pack of smokes and a Redbull. Then went back to the house, I was just gonna hide out in my room. Adriana was gone when I got home, probably to the store so I wrote a note saying I was at a girl named Kim's house and I would be back tomorrow. When the entire time I had locked myself in my room.

I heard everything… Silvio coming to the house… telling Adriana that my dad tried to off himself. She obviously asked about me. "Does Lizzy know…" She asked franticly.

"Tony went to get her at her friend's house, she's probably already at the hospital. Don't worry she's ok.." I stood right by my door listening to all this transpire, I knew my dad hadn't tried to kill himself… this was a set up. In that very moment I knew they were going to kill her.

Once she left, I got a phone call. It was my dad.

"Lizzy, hey hun, where you at?" He asked.

"On my way to Kimmy's why?"

"Go home… everything ok I'll be there in about twenty minutes." Then he hung up the phone.

I opened my door and started to pace the living room. What the fuck is going on! I walked into the kitchen and started to look through the fridge… no fucking booze. What kinda… never mind dad's sober… no booze in the house. I was really freaking out but I knew that if I was freaking out when my dad got home, he would suspect something. Running around the living room trying franticly calm my psycho ass down. I ended up sitting on the couch, my hands stuck between my knees and took a deep, long breath.

Sure enough my dad walked through the door, shaken as bad as I was, not twenty five minutes after he called. He looked at me, that single look told me everything… I knew Adriana was gone. I got up off the couch and ran towards him, I threw my arms around him and held on tightly. We both started to cry. "Dad…" I said my words muffled by my tears.

"Don't Lizzy… just don't." Was all he said. Those four words spoke volumes. He did what he had to, not what he wanted. There was a code that we had to live our lives by, silence, it didn't just apply to the guys it applied to us too.. the families. If I ever decided to publish this book… which I don't know if I will… I will die for it. Like Adriana did.

That night my dad slept on the couch, I didn't sleep. He had his gun tucked under the pillow. Our lives were on the line, if they got anything that could put any of the higher ranking members in the Klink we would be goners. Dad knew that, something happened after I was dropped off… something terrible. I still don't know what my Uncle Tony said to get my dad so wound up that he slept with a gun under his pillow for the next week, but I know it was bad.

In the coming weeks I became wracked with guilt about letting Silvio take Adriana away, it was eating me alive. I couldn't sleep, wouldn't eat and I secluded myself from everyone. Then one day, about two weeks after that faithful day I did something. Something hoping that would but an end to all this guilt and pain.

I tried to kill myself.

I wrote my dad a note, I found it in a box last week in the basement. Here's what it said.

_Daddy,_

_I am sorry. I'm sorry I was a fuck up and not like Meadow. I'm sorry it had to end like this but I can't do this any more. Adriana wasn't the cause, she was just another log added to the fire that is my life. You lost her and now… you lost me. I know killing myself is a sin and I'll go to hell for it but at least I know I'll have company. We are all heading there… for the things we've done, know and seen._

_I didn't leave the house, none of my friends wanted me around… so I locked myself in my room and hopped for the best. I know she's dead. I know Slivio killed her. What she did was wrong… but why did she have to die daddy? Are the people in this life so expendable? I've lost my mother… I know lost the one person in the world who could have replaced her. One day, I would have lost you to this life… I don't want to go on knowing this._

_Since I'm dead… I'll tell you this. I never got clean. There should be three bottles of Vicodin in my dresser drawer. A half ounce of weed in my closest in the converse shoe box along with about four hundred dollars. I started dealing last summer, I make good money at it. Do what you want with it, I was saving up to get a guitar. I wanted to start a band… play music, maybe one day become famous. But all that was a dream, just like collage. There was no way that I could ever get into an Ivy League school like Meadow, but that's not the point now. The point is, I'm sorry I did this. I see no other way of getting out now._

_I love you, no matter what._

_Lizzy_

My dad had to go collect the weeks earnings and I thought I had a few hours to make sure I was dead before he got home. He left, gave me a kiss and told me to order pizza for dinner. I smiled and told him I loved him. Once he was gone I set the letter on his nightstand, where he put his wallet. I hadn't noticed that it was still sitting there.

I then took a razor blade out of my backpack and went into the bathroom. I stood at the sink, looking in the mirror. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before digging the blade into my wrist. The blood started to flow quickly and I got light headed. Before I had a chance I fell to the floor with a loud thud. That's all I remember but I've heard the story of what happened when my dad came home just five minutes after he left.

I guess it went like this; he came back into the house because he forgot his wallet. He saw the note sitting there and opened it up. He read the first line and ran franticly into the bathroom to find me near death. He said I was barely breathing and there was blood everywhere. He called 911 and the got there just in time.

I was rushed to the hospital and my father was beside himself. Tony, Carmella, AJ, Paulie and several others met my dad there. They all were surprised that I tried to kill myself. The all were saying things like "She always seemed so happy," "She must have taken Adriana leaving much harder than we thought," "It's so sad, Chris just lost his fiancé and now Lizzy might die… such a life."

My dad said nothing about the note, he just kept saying "I don't know why… she was always the sane one in the house." Thinking back now, two years later… looking down at the long scar on my right wrist I think what I did was stupid. I broke my father that night.

Carmella told me that when he found me, laying there on death's door he just held me in his arms crying. The two days they kept me sedated before they moved me to a psyche ward, my dad didn't leave my side for more than an hour.

Once I was on the unit, he called me three or four times a day and came to see me at least three times a week. I was there for six weeks, the doctors said I could have been out sooner but I refused to take the meds they put me on. I don't know what was worse, the fact I was still alive and my attempt didn't work or the withdrawals I was going through for the first five days.

In there I was diagnosed Bi-polar, borderline personality disorder, and disassociation. Of all people to come visit it me and tell me it was ok, my uncle Tony. My life changed that night… I became a different person. I saw death, it wasn't pretty… and in that moment I realized I had to get out. I had to get out of that life.

That's when I started buckling down when it came to school, I went from barely passing to being on high honor role. It was like something clicked and I saw my future in Adriana, in my father… and I didn't like what I saw. So life had to change and it did.


End file.
